From: Biniam Tekle (biniamt@dehai.org)
Date: Fri Jan 16 2009 - 12:46:25 EST
For pics click here http://www.abesha.com/2issue/Tinsu.htm
*To Be an Eritrean-American*
By: Tinsu S. Grant
I was born in Atlanta, Georgia on September 18, 1980. I was a breeched birth
or backwards so my mother had to have a cesarean section. Most of my family
says that should have been a sign about my personality. My mother is a
native of Asmara, Eritrea and my father is a country boy from Augusta,
Georgia. They met in Augusta when my mother moved there to live with her
older sister and attend Augusta College. She worked at 7-Eleven as a
cashier, which is where my father initially approached her. They dated for
about three years and eventually married in a small ceremony in their
apartment on February 16, 1979. They have been together ever since.
Growing up I never really had many American friends at school. I found that
they just did not understand me. I tended to want to greet people in ways
they had never experienced. I would want to give them hugs or kiss them
three times because that was how I grew up being greeted. I thought everyone
did that. I learned fast though. However, that was not the only thing that
set me apart from them, my name helped. I dreaded roll call. I swear that
teachers started most of the nicknames that the students called me in grade
school. No matter the ridicule I experienced I always felt special in
comparison to the other students. They were just regular people to me. They
did not speak another language, did not eat special foods, and they did not
have the same pride for their culture as I had. Eventually, I learned to
adapt to their environment and I made some life long friends…and enemies.
When I was born there were not that many Eritreans in Atlanta. The kids that
were already here were born here and we had grown up together and the older
ones that came here did not really talk to me so I was not as aware of them.
When I reached the age of about 12 I began to notice the newer faces. It
seemed that they sort of formed their own clique without anyone knowing. It
was as if the kids that were the same age as me, but had come to this
country at an older age ignored the ones who had been "Americanized." I did
not speak perfect Tigrinia and I did not know the customs to perfection, but
I thought that I knew enough. When the new girls came to town I was
friendly, but since I could not communicate as well as them I was
ostracized. So I was faced with a dilemma. I was too American for the
Eritreans and too Eritrean for the Americans.
Another predicament was modifying my self for home and then for school. I
felt like I had multiple personalities. I guess in a sense I did. I mean at
home you are more locked down and you are expected to speak, think, and act
a certain way, but at school if you were not dressed right and did not speak
slang you were considered "lame" and treated as an outcast. I did not really
go to American parties and if I did I had to be home at an embarrassing hour
so what was the point of going. I never understood why I could go to an
Eritrean wedding or a party and stay up until 5 a.m., but if I was to go out
with American friends I had to be back at like 9 or 10 o'clock. I found that
my Eritrean friends were shocked I could even leave the house. If I told
them about going to the movies or going skating with friends from school
they were appalled and said I was lucky to have such a cool mother. I did
not see it that way exactly. I mean yeah she was cool in comparison to some
of the Eritrean mothers, but in comparison with my American friends' mothers
she was very strict and she still is. I could not understand, "Was I more
Eritrean or more American?"
I was not allowed to date. I did anyway, but I tried not to get caught. It
was funny to me. How is that I cannot date, but I am expected to get
married? Also, it was hard to understand what race I was supposed to marry.
Was he supposed to be Eritrean or American? Or did it even matter? Could I
date after I finished college? I thought I would be thirty years old trying
to find a husband and work in my career. How can a person do that? Who has
the time for that? I sat down with my mother and asked her, "What do you
want from me?"
I bet you are wondering the answer. So am I. Eritreans do not talk about
these things I guess. I know she wants my happiness, a degree, and of course
grandchildren, but that does not answer the question in my mind. Eritrean
parents need to understand that back home all you have or all you need is
your education because with it you are guaranteed a job and money and all
this equals security. Here in America there are so many more opportunities
that do not require college. Also, parents need to give us a concise and
honest answer to certain questions. What do you want from me is not just a
question about a job or a family; it deals with character and values. How do
you want your child to think and feel about the world? How do you want your
child to view life in general?
Eritrean parents can answer these questions for their child by incorporating
both the Eritrean culture and the American way of life. Allow some freedoms,
but teach them the traditions, language, and ideals of the Eritrean people.
Allow them to make decisions about their own lives. Support them in all they
do and give them the room to make mistakes. Remember this is not Eritrea and
adapt just like we have to. Show them the pride you have for your country
and they will show the world.